Rainbow Moonstone – Mother’s Legacy
It’s coming up to Mother’s Day this weekend again. A day in which we celebrate Mothers, that nurturing Energy that surrounds and supports us. This image is dedicated to the nurturing feminine spirit. Rainbow moonstone is said to enhance feelings and encourages fervent desires, eager expectations and heartfelt resolve.
All the crystals I photograph have personal meaning for me which I don’t often share, I just say for example, this is Moonstone because I know my truth is not always that of others. In this way people know it’s a particular crystal and they may already know the meaning of that Crystal, whether it resonates with them or not. Some just like what they see, knowing it came from Nature.
But over the past few days it is almost as if this truth, my truth today, the basis for what I do with Crystals, is for the telling. Since grounding our business cards the other day, in order to move forward with the flow, I felt like there was something I needed to do before we continue.
Over the weekend, someone saw this image of Rainbow Moonstone and yesterday wanted a framed print. It sat in my office and I remembered my Mother. Sometimes in order to move forward, we have to acknowledge those that came before, without whose influence we would not be doing what we do or being who we are.
For me personally my mother passed in 2003 after living 20 years with ovarian cancer. I never feel sad on Mother’s Day, I feel grateful for having had a mother that ‘held space’ for me and introduced me to Crystals that have always been a passion of mine.
Learning to Feel
My first memory of Crystals was a Mother of Pearl covered book that my mother gave me when I was old enough to understand what it was and the value held within. Although technically not a crystal, I saw it as one.
It was the book of prayers that belonged to my father who died when I was fourteen months old. When this beautiful object was given to me I couldn’t read very well, only being four years of age, but my mother told me it belonged to my father whom I had never known. I had only known him through my mother, who had loved him with all she was.
This Mother of Pearl covered prayer book engraved with a sacred heart had meaning for me. As I ran my small fingers over the pages, I felt my father do the same in times past. It was the only way I could get a sense of the man he was, a stranger to me in physicality but whom I felt. I still feel him today, behind me as a guide spurring me forward.
My mother has been gone from the Earth plane for fourteen years. About a week before my mother died, she was having trouble, struggling with pain and trying to keep control of her life in a small way by writing down all the medications she was on. I was working as a nurse and went to see her in my morning tea break. I met a friend on the way who had just visited my Mum and said don’t go there right now, she’s having a rough time.
I went straight to see my mother, she had cut her long hair up to her shoulders, there she was sitting up in bed, broderai anglaise linen nightie on with a small notebook in front of her, so very upset. She had seen a bunny outside the glass door, in the garden just outside the palliative care room she was in and no one would believe her. She said a staff member laughed at her and had told her she was hallucinating from the pain killers she was taking, It made her feel very small and as if no one was listening.
I sat down next to her bed and dropped the bedrails and hugged her. There was a shift happening and time was changing, it had been happening for a while now, like a transfer of energy. Fighting back my tears, there came a moment when I told her everything was alright, not to worry about that staff member, that I would deal with it. I found myself telling her what she had always told me – don’t worry about what other people think of you, just be your beautiful, kind sensitive self, my best friend and those that appreciate you will know and that is all that matters.
My mother took my hand and said ‘Marie, I am so proud of you, not because of what you do but because of who you are’. Hearing those words most likely for the very last time from my mother, tore the heart and soul right out of me, I broke down and cried. She said I want you to be brave, I’ve made a decision today – I don’t want to be here anymore and I am ready to die.
The feeling that comes from those words was the hardest thing to deal with, as a nurse I had heard it many times before but it was so personal this time. The tears were streaming down my face but nothing was coming out of my mouth. I felt like I wanted her to stay, a selfish motive but I also knew the past 20 years she had come up against insurmountable odds to still be alive and now she was tired and was asking me to step up and be the woman she had taught me to be.
It was as if there was a paradigm shift, I came into my own, energetically. It was time for me to ‘hold space’ for this beautiful woman I called my mother. All the time knowing that I wouldn’t ever be able to ring her again and have a chat about things that were happening, have a laugh, enjoy our esoteric discussions and having the comfort of knowing she was on this earth as I lived my own life. The latter being so very hard to explain to some people.
My mother died a few days later, pain free and in my presence. The bunny that she had been told was a drug induced hallucination, turned out to be real and was seen often outside the palliative care unit, they called it Betty’s Bunny for a time.
In 2008, five years after my mother died and just a few months after my previous partner died I found myself alone. My immediate family were gone. I had quite a few confusing dreams. This dream came at a time when I was so scared of what was going on, of what was going to happen and whether on not I would even survive.
This dream wasn’t the type of dream that was full of memories, it was a new situation and so very real to me. It is a dream I will never forget. I wrote this dream down in late 2008.
Diving with Mother
My Mother’s Dream or diving with mother as I have come to call it, had such clarity. I had the same dream or rather expansions of it over a seven day period. It was comforting yet confronting at the same time and I often questioned my sanity and beliefs at the time, believing I was a realist.
Each morning on waking I would remember this ongoing dream. It always started the same way, with me in this body of water like a pond with a big rock next to it. The surrounding area was rocky, as if I was on the side of a mountain. It was very peaceful and felt contained despite being so wide open to the sky.
I was just there, in this pond of white water with my mother sitting on the big rock watching and talking to me. My form was that of an adult. But It reminded me of being a child having a bath talking to your mum. I don’t remember what we talked about initially but it was so comforting being there with her.
The next night, still being in the white watered pond, this time in a circular copper bowl with tarnished silver inside. The bowl was no taller than my knees and only about sixty cms in diameter and looked as if it had been hand crafted with dents to make it the shape it was. It had an age to it as if it had been used many times over. On the edge of the bowl was a curved rim, where I sat, as my mother watched me from her position on the nearby rock.
The dream progressed, I began to feel liquid in the base of the vessel I was in, I thought the bowl had sprung a leak. When I looked down I saw to my horror that the bowl was filling up with blood and with no one else around, the blood must be mine.
I cried out to my mother to help me and she calmly said “It’s alright Marie, just go with it”. I woke up at that stage and was terrified for the whole day, wondering what it meant. I can remember telling a close friend about it, who said she didn’t think it was anything to worry about.
The next night, the same dream, in the copper bowl, up to my knees now in my own blood. I was scared, so I stood up losing my balance as the bowl tipped to the side. My blood was spilling over the edges and blending with the water. As I watched with amazement, the white water in the pond turned into the gentlest crystalline pink, as I fell in it and was surrounded by it.
I cried out to my mother “Help me, I don’t know what to do, I’m going to drown!”, She just said to me “Go with it Marie, just keep breathing”, as I watched her look at me going under. I did as she had said and kept breathing, it was a leap of trust and faith. I was still moving around in the pink water and breathing it in, now walking around on the bottom of the pond. I could see sparks of colour on the bottom and swam up to tell my mother.
“I did it” I said to her, like a child and told her about the sparks of colour. She said you know they are crystals, you know them. I would dive down and pick up a crystal and would return to the surface to show her what I had found and she would say “who is that one for? and tell me about it. and I would tell her.
The next day after the dream, I would find that small coloured crystal in my collection or at the local crystal shop and give it to the person I was meant to. It was quite odd, I only did it 3 or 4 times to close friends but I couldn’t explain to them why I had given them those crystals. I used to say my mother helped me pick them. Everyone of my friends knew my mother had passed and didn’t really question my actions, they just accepted the gift of a crystal and said thankyou and knew it was special. I felt quite odd but couldn’t do it any other way.
Each night the same thing, diving for crystals with my mother watching me and smiling. For the very first time in about six months, I looked forward to going to sleep because I knew my mother would be there in my dreams, at a time when I felt so alone in the world.
Towards the end of these last dreams, my mother didn’t say too much to me. She was just her wonderful impish self looking at me with such love as I went through the process of diving into the pink mass of fluid and coming up with a beautiful small crystal each time.
The dream came to an end one morning. I had been in the pink and found a crystal and arrived back at the surface again just as usual, except this time my mother spoke the words I never had ever wanted to hear.
In the past, in life, she had said to me “Marie, I’m ready to go” a few days before she died from ovarian cancer. In my dream “Marie”, she said, ‘its time for you to go’. I got out of the pink water, standing there in my grey shorts, white t-shirt and and indigo jumper she had made for me, that I had always worn. She had said it was who I am. She said to me “time for you to go, I love you, never forget, no goodbyes, just a lot of hello’s to new people in your life from now on. I’m always here.’ I started walking away from the pool and my mother.
All this time I had only seen the mountain side with my mother on her rock. I had never looked the other way. As I faced away from the mountain, still with my mother by my side to the left of me now, I realized I was on the side of a mountain, it seemed along way down and I couldn’t see anything for the mist.I headed down the mountain as my mother had told me to, with no goodbyes. I reached the bottom in what seemed like an instant and turned around to wave to my mother, she was gone and it hurt.
As I looked back, I was amazed at what was before me. A mass of pools on various levels, most with people in them and their guides on a rock next to them. Each small recess with this intimate miracle occurring, each small group oblivious of any of the others on the same mountain side.
At the base of the mountain I saw others that had just been in similar situations to me. We just looked at each other, kind of stunned but with a look of knowing that yes, that did just happen, as a sense of disbelief slowly started to creep across in the form of a mist.
As I turned again away from the mountain, what lay before me was a mist, an unknowing, my life, to do with what I would. As I moved slowly forward to the middle of the mist it didn’t seem so scary, I could see what was around me and a little way into the distance.
On waking from this dream, I wasn’t scared anymore, I didn’t know what would happen, so I worked with what I had, knowing that my mother would always be with me as my guide.
A Mother’s Legacy
In life, the sheet of mist turned into white pages, one after another, I filled each page with photo’s of crystals and what was within me using these images as a catalyst. It turned into a book for Change. the end result to love myself and to love and live life again, find the common thread of light and love that makes life worth living.
As the pages of white continue, I continue to take photos appreciating the beauty of nature, found on this website and occasionally write this blog, a messy scratching of writing know as ‘earthousedoodle’.
As Roz and I embody this new cycle with Crystal Apertures and life in general, we move forward into the unknowing once again. Most importantly this time around it is with our families, (present and in spirit), close friends, new friends and communities of like mind, as mutual support.
Whether you see my dream as imagination or wishful thinking or subconscious thoughts or the rantings of a crazy woman, it doesn’t really matter. In hindsight I only just came to the realization that the dream is what I have done and am doing with lightningseeds® and Crystal Apertures. Soul expression of heart and mind is what this dream brought to me.
How do I express such gratitude, to a mother that never squashed the child within, that creativity in me although I fought it at times. A mother who taught me about devotion of the heart, to intuitively feel energy at such a young age, to appreciate Nature and who ‘held space’ for me as I discovered life as an empath.
A woman that taught me to trust the Universal Flow and find that integrity, intention and truth in others of like mind with the lesson of holding space not for money but just because we can love.
The only way I can express such gratitude is to be myself, following my passions, knowing that no matter what happens she is always with me in spirit. This I know to be true.
Thanks Mum and Happy Mothers Day to everyone X