Grounding the ‘Divine Feminine’
It’s funny how the things we forget come back to ‘haunt’ us, that’s what it felt like to me when this first happened. Over the last week I’ve been overwhelmed by the number of people sending me emails via my website and some in person, about a book that I wrote and published in 2013. Some wanted to know why I wrote the book but most were just appreciating my work. It’s so different from what I do now but related. It all started with a ‘Rock’ a Crystal in fact. It brought up the fact that whatever experiences come to the fore, issues of authenticity follow closely behind.
How do I talk about this, without blowing my own horn? from someone that is an introvert and empath. It seems to be a lifetime ago that I wrote this book. The only way I could think of was to write about how the book came into being, the hidden background, with the theme of ‘Power over’ instead of ‘Power with’, finding the Divine Feminine again and grounding it.
I wrote part of this blog post in a journal about a year after I published the book, when I was feeling like a bit of a pariah because I felt people thought that was all I had to talk about, how wrong they were. They couldn’t see the change in me. When I was asked about the book then, I didn’t want to talk about it, people around me knew what had happened. I really didn’t need to tell them, it was over and I had moved on, it was part of my healing – leaving something beautiful behind.
Journal post from early 2014
The turning point of doing what I do came a few years ago now, when I had lost myself in another and she, my previous partner of twenty years, died in my arms after a 19 year life with breast cancer.
I felt like I had been struck by lightning because I had lost the one person that at the time brought meaning into my life, someone that I had loved utterly and completely, even more than myself. She, was the only one I felt, accepted all of me without question. I didn’t believe in myself anymore. I didn’t believe in anything and couldn’t find my way. I found myself one day asking if I really wanted to be here anymore, I was totally vulnerable and asked the Universe for help. Then I got the answer, work with what you have, what you love and so I did.
Over a period of a year, I worked with what I had, what I loved, – colour and beautiful crystals that had been part of my life since the age of four. I started taking photographs of Crystals for myself. It was a time when my heart needed healing and rejuvenation if I was to continue living. As I took the photos, I was undergoing a certain amount of clearing and cleansing. Letting go of programmed beliefs about the nature of life and the world of which I was a part of and how I fitted into this world now.
Together with crystals, the words I wrote became the ways and means available to emotionally restore and redefine what was important to me. It was like finding what was always in everyone but I had forgotten, they were also in me. It was where my heart came to understand the purpose for which we have undergone human pain – where new faith and hope both renew our power to love even more deeply and completely each time around.
What I wrote turned into a book with the help of my partner now, Roz Blacklock. Roz believed in my capabilities more than I. I was a conscientious objector, not willing to step up to the challenge of putting my work out there. The reason being, that I had written these words and taken these pictures for myself as a process, where what had happened could be digested into an experience that I had worked through. It was what I had always done but just for me this time. It was a process of remembering what I believed in, core beliefs. It was like I had been in a long meditation into which affirmation, confirmation and identification with the sacred was somehow layering the foundation of what I had thought. It sounded just so crazy.
Now I was being confronted with something I had always hidden. Deep down, I saw what I do as imperfection. I would paint or take photographs of crystals all the time to find my way in life, to regenerate, I always had. I didn’t want to be judged again for what I do, for who I was, my authentic self because in the past, it hurt so much. The conflict within me continued and brought up the question of when do we really allow good things to come our way?
I discovered again when you start to feel in your heart what you want, then think about it. the purpose of the endeavour appears, being to grow or evolve. I never, ever wanted anyone to have to be in the position I found myself in. When I could see the book coming together, I was ready to let go of the fear of not being good enough and that maybe what Roz had said to me – “Even if it just helps one person, it’s worth it”,came as the purpose for completing the book.
When I look at the book now, it feels intense and it was. It was like starting from zero point with a series of processes to core beliefs, where I was finding them for myself as I lived in the new phase of my life, with a new Partner, a new house, in a new suburb, major life changes.
Writing this book was not to tell anyone else what to do, it was just a reminder to me of what life meant to me. How I would have liked to be treated and wasn’t at my most vulnerable, by those closest to me. I don’t know if I believe in fate, maybe it exists but it’s what we do with what happens to us that matters. For me, having worked as a nurse, a naturopath and homoeopath, the healing professions, I finally learned to be compassionate and empathetic with myself, for the first time in my life.
You see, it wasn’t written to make the ‘almighty buck’. It was written out of necessity, as part of my journey here, to remember what was important to me, in a time of such vulnerability, when I forgot.
My book ‘Lightning Seeds: Journey through the Rainbow’ is dedicated to my Partner this time around – Roz Blacklock, my gift from the Universe.
2016, why are people asking me about a book I wrote 3 years ago, now?
With this new sudden found interest in my book now, I am going over the step I missed, telling those people that want to know why this book exists. As I said before, when the book was released, I was a conscientious objector and thought I was slow and quite crazy, that I had only discovered something now, that everyone already knew about.
In 2013, when this book was published, friends and family knew about it. I did not have a ‘launch party’, I didn’t see the point of pushing it. I believed if it was right for a person, they would find it. This book was never going to be a best seller, that was not the aim. It wasn’t a bleeding heart story saying ‘look where I’ve been and this is what I did and you can do it too!’ type of book. It didn’t have an emotional story to reel people in. It was about working through the emotions of the situation and coming out the other side, a journey. It was very grounded, practical, with no fancy words or flowery phrases, straight from my heart with a lot of common sense, which seems to be the first thing to go out the window in times of major change. For me personally it was about working through Grief but really it covers the gamet of ‘Change’.
I don’t know why my book is getting attention now. Sometimes I feel it’s because it talks about grounding the ‘Divine Feminine’, a balancing agent. Working with “Power With’ instead of ‘Power Over’. It’s not about taking sides, acknowledging the Patriachy will always exist. Its learning to live a life based on core values of our being, that are real and genuine and will always ring true. Finding like minded folk who feel the same way, who don’t see life as a competition between the haves and have-nots and believe in Unity.
Maybe it’s to remind us that we often perceive something as real, without actually understanding the truth of the situation first, before we get involved. Sometimes we follow blindly believing that something is authentic when we don’t have a sense of our own authenticity but we want it. Sometimes we go for the ‘phoney and fake’ that promises so much, all in the name of Power and authenticity. Those that want others to do all the work for them and sit back and say yes, we believe in him, her, it, because they come across as powerful.
How fragile authenticity is in today’s world.
‘Chaos’ and ‘Crises’ of this time is as an opportunity, so we have to make a choice for how we direct our minds to serve our hearts. We each have our own unique voice in all walks of life. Remembering that your authenticity, will guide you forward but not fence you in, that you are always gaining insight and experience in the possibility of who you are becoming rather that just working on yourself and who you have been.
We are so much more than the roles we place on ourselves. Our actions change who we are and what we believe in. When I wrote this book, I seemed to live in a world where you don’t talk about your feelings, or rather expectations are put on you as to how you are supposed to act based on categories that the mainstream have put on grief, death, any type of Change. Just ‘suck it up’ and get on with it and bury your most heart felt pain deep inside forever but I couldn’t. The paradigm has shifted, once again. I think this is why I had such a reaction to the book interest because I had worked on my self and authored a book and found my inner freedom again. Now, it is something I once did but it seems to turning into my foundation, for this turn of the cycle. Now I call myself an occasional writer, I only write when I have something to share.
This is the blurb from the back of the book, to give you an idea of how the book works on your own spiritual path:
‘‘Lightning Seeds is about formally acknowledging awareness within each and every one of us as we live our lives. It is about change and renewal. About intricately weaving feelings into your life. Helping to integrate, assimilate and formalise feelings as the mainstream, where awareness is the norm, where spiritually is in the physical, not as something to be obtained through a misty veil at the end of a tunnel. It is a blueprint for change, a map but not the territory. It is the nature of true reality, asking you what is your place therein. It is not about diluting the situations we may find ourselves in. As you open to any page, it is important to bear in mind what that page is making you aware of: a memory, a feeling, experiences, emotions and attitudes that come with it. Do they still serve? See possibilities that change can bring, and with the purest intentions for your highest good, Make a Choice.”
This book was my starting point, written out of necessity. It is a tool for living, for Change in any form, not just grief, nothing more than a tool. I still take pictures of Crystals but its different this time around. I love Nature and Crystals in particular, finding hidden beauty in the unseen, landscapes that we can never go to physically or destroy but can just appreciate. Celebrating the beauty of Crystals into our practical world by putting them on everyday functional objects, showing that earthy can be more than the colour brown, that Nature comes in all colours of the Rainbow.
Thankyou so much for the enquiries and comments about ‘Lightning Seeds: Journey through the Rainbow’. Its very touching to feel that my offering strikes a chord amongst so many of you that have taken the time to leave emails with heart felt replies about what my book means to you. The truth always comes out, by being true to yourself and being what you say you are. Remember we are the change we seek, summoning our reverence for Life, showing that we care in our own particular way.
Thanks for reading